i'm not sure... but there's crab in it

i had no idea what i was going to make when i stopped by the market today, but i saw avocados were on sale and then i saw scallops were on sale and i just started buying a bunch of stuff and i didn't really know what i was making until i was done making it but here it is: seafood stuffing?  prep time + cook time: 1hr, yields 4 servings, 2.25 carbs per serving

ingredients:

2 avocados
3 thin slices of that bread we made or 1 cup of low carb breadcrumbs
1.5 tbsp butter
1 egg
1 cup "mexican" cheese - whatever that is
2 cloves of garlic - minced
1 bunch cilantro - finely chopped
8 oz lump crap meat
0.33 lb scallops
0.33 lb jumbo shrimp - peeled and deveined
1 serrano - thinly sliced
salt and pepper

• to make your own breadcrumbs, preheat oven to 350F.  cube your bread really really finely.  like 1/8th inch square max.  spread out cubes over baking sheet and put in oven for 30 minutes.  mix them around like every ten minutes or so and don't let them burn.  put aside in a medium sized mixing bowl.
• cut shrimp and scallops into quarter inch pieces.  heat butter in pan over medium heat, when its melted but not browned, add garlic, shrimp, scallops and crab.  the seafood will be all like "give us some more butter" but don't believe it and just put a lid on it.  it'll all sweat and be moist in like two minutes.  add serrano, cilantro, and salt and pepper to taste.  don't over cook, or your shrimp will be like rubber pellets.  remove from heat and toss with breadcrumbs in that bowl from before. i shoved it in the freezer to cook off a bit
• finely cube your avocados.  this can be done with them in the shell.  the internet can help you with this if you are unfamiliar.  mix in with the seafood mixture.  when your seafood mixture has cooled, like it doesn't need to be cold just not scalding to the touch, add your egg and your cheese and mix it all together well.  at this point i was like, "what in the hell am i doing right now?  should i make like crabbish cake thingies?  should i stuff these into something?" and then i decided to stuff them into these shells we have from the last time we had seafood stuffed shells.  remember that?  way back on the first blog?  yah.

• so i stuffed those shells, but you could use like bell peppers or sole filets or mushrooms or something.  the possibilities are really endless.  then i put them in the oven for about 30 minutes at 350F.  they weren't super golden or anything, but boyfriend was all like, "if you don't let me noms that right now, i'm going to eat leftovers."  he was hungry.  so we ate it.  it looked like this:

we had it with arugula.  we love arugula. anyway, there you have it.  improvised seafood stuffing that is delicious and also not so bad for you on this diet.

adding nuts sometimes makes it creamy

i had a terrible, no good, very bad day.  like hide tears from your coworkers day.  nothing was going my way at all and i needed food to fix this.  so i decided that i had to make curry; curry is one of my favorite things in the whole entire world.  so i made this weird crazy improvised korma that i wanted to serve over cauliflower rice but i didn't have cauliflower, so i mixed it in with spaghetti squash.  its a strange thing all together, i guess, but whatever.  i liked it.  it sorta made me feel better.  cook time + prep time 1hr, yields 10 servings, 5.23 carbs per serving

ingredients

4 tbsp safflower oil
5 oz frying cheese
1 medium spaghetti squash
1 cup heavy cream
2 cups broccoli - chopped
0.5 cup cilantro - chopped
1 can tomato sauce
1 tsp vegetable base
0.25 white onion - chopped
1 serrano pepper - thinly sliced
8 oz mushrooms - quartered
1 cup macadamia nuts
4 cloves garlic - minced
1 tbsp ginger - minced
2.5 tbsp indian curry powder
0.5 tsp cayenne pepper
2.5 cups water
salt

• prepare the spaghetti squash as we did last weekend
• in a large pan, like the largest pan you have, heat 2 tbsp oil over medium heat.  add macadamia nuts.  typically, you make korma with cashews but cashews are high in carbs and in fat, and so i decided to use macadamia nuts which tend to be pretty creamy and are one of the lower carb nuts.  toast nuts until they're sorta golden.  when the nuts start popping, add vegetable base and 1 cup water.  cook water down by half and then put nuts + water in a blender and puree them well.  set aside
• i fried my cheese at this point.  i found this cheese at tjs, and its the most similar cheese i've ever found to paneer in that it doesn't really melt down.  and then one day i decided to fry it, and things were really great.  you can fry yours or you can use paneer or you can use it just like it is or whatever.  i don't care.  once i thought to myself, "mozzarella is like paneer." and so i added mozzarella to my curry.  it melted like instantly, which was awesome because it made the curry super creamy and delicious, but it wasn't paneer.  anyway, here's a picture of my cheese:

• heat remaining oil over medium heat in same big ole' fryin' pan.  cook onions, garlic, pepper, and ginger until onions turn sort of translucent.  add all of seasonings and mix well.  saute over medium heat until aromatic.  its important to fry your curry powder into a paste like thing like this or else it ends up tasting super grainy.  
• add tomato sauce, mix well and heat until it comes to a simmer.  add mushrooms and a half cup of water and cover, allowing mushrooms to sweat and cook down.
• add cream and nut paste and broccoli.  heat to a boil then turn down the heat and let sauce cook for about 15 - 20 minutes until its super thick and curry-like.  you'll know it when you see it.  turn off heat, and stir in cheese and cilantro.  salt to taste.  mix this nom nom sauce in with scraped spaghetti squash.

end result:

it looks like vodka sauce or something, huh?  its not tho.  its super-spicy-crazy-delicious-weird-non-authentic-at-all curry.  you'll like it, i promise.

ps.  i got this amazing awesome gem thanks to my new good friend, stevie-poo.  no more begging for a stand-mixer.  i got the raddest one there ever was.  when it is delivered, i will use it and post pictures.  you'll see.

tear me a sue.

people be goin crazy for those almond cookie balls i made last night.  boyfriend was all, "these remind me of some fancy italian cookie."  and italian cookies made me think about lady fingers which of course made me think of tiramisu, so i made it.  its quite about different than any normal recipe, but its still pretty fly.  prep time + sit time: 4 hours (most of that is just sitting in the fridge time) yields 8 servings, 5.37 carbs per serving.

ingredients

1 cup almond flour
1 cup hazelnut flour
5 tbsp butter - melted
18 packets splenda
1.25 cups granulated splenda
1 tsp almond extract
1.5 tsp vanilla extract
1 egg + 6 egg yolks
1 lb mascarpone cheese
0.25 cup strong coffee
2 tbsp rum
2 cup cream
1 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder

• follow last night's recipe for almond cookies, but i used just 5 tbsp of butter this time cause last night was a little greasy.  instead of balling dough, lay out flatly onto a cookie sheet about a quarter of an inch thick and cook at 350F for about 10 minutes or until dry and sticking together.  you can totally do this ahead of time or whatever.
• to make the custardy part mix egg yolks and splenda packets together super duper well in a heavy bottomed sauce pot.  add 2/3 cup of cream and put over medium heat.  stir constantly, seriously, never ever ever stop, constantly scraping the sides.  i did this with a spatula in one hand and a whisk in the other.  keep stirring until it starts to boil then remove from heat.  i then transported to a pyrex bowl that had a lid and put it into the fridge for about an fifteen minutes.  add mascarpone  cheese and mix really well.  put yolk misture back in the fridge for about an hour.  thats when i made the cookies.
• to make whipped cream, whisk remaining vanilla and remaining cream until it becomes a solid.  this is where that stupid kitchen aid mixer comes in handy.  but i don't have it.  put aside.
• mix together rum and coffee for putting on top of cookies
• when cookies have cooled, cut sheet into four rectangular pieces that you'll use for layering.
• once all your layering ingredients are all solid like, in a dish that will hold it all together, place one piece of your cookie.  top with a quarter of coffee mixture.  top with a quarter of the custard mixture, then a quarter of the whipped cream.  keep doing this until all ingredients are used then sprinkle with the cocoa powder.  

i tried to start this on a place but it got all droopy so i put it in this tupperware that is super unattractive but the perfect size for my tiramisu.  you then have to put it in the fridge for at least three hours for it to totally totally totally set.  this is important or it won't be pretty.  which is hard cause at this point you've prolly licked the custard and stuff and you want it real bad.  well, suck it up!

i don't have a finished photo because i'm sucking it up.  i'll add it in the morn.

now its morning.

blah blah blah, soup!

i like soup.  soup tastes good.  we had soup for dinner.  here is my recipe for cream of mushroom soup.  cook time + prep time: 0.75 hours, yields six servings, 4.16 carbs per serving.  this was surprising to me.  i had no idea portobellos were sooo fracking high in carbs.  every website says something different.  it makes me want to cry cause i had seconds before i looked it up and we pretty much have this soup like once a week.  le sigh.

ingredients:

24 oz portobello mushrooms - chopped
3 celery stalk - chopped
0.25 onion - chopped
3 cloves garlic - minced
2 cups cream
1 tsp beef base
0.5 tsp red pepper
1 tsp salt
2 tsp montreal seasoning
2 tsp italian seasoning.
2 tbsp olive oil
2 cup water

• in a large stockpot, over medium heat, cook onion and garlic in olive oil until transparent.  add celery and stir.  add mushrooms to the top, top with all seasonings and cover pot with lid to let mushrooms sweat for about five minutes
• stir mushrooms and add beef base, cream, and water.   stir soup occasionally.  soup is done when broth is thickened to your desired consistency.

see?  super crazy easy and super crazy yum.  but not as low carb as one might hope.  stupid mushrooms and their stupid secrets.

peaceful cookie balls

today has really been all about improvisational ball cooking.

so boyfriend enters the living room, where i am sitting and exclaims, "i want some chocolate cookies!"  then he began repairing the bookshelf that collapsed and i decided that i should make him cookies since he was doing chores.  so i pulled some ingredients from around the kitchen and this is what i came up with: black and white almond cookie balls. prep + cook time: 30 minutes, yields 9 white cookies & 9 black cookies, ~1.22 carbs per cookie

ingredients:

1 cup almond flour
1 cup hazelnut flour
1 tsp almond extract
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 egg
6 tbsp melted butter
1 tbsp sugar free cocoa powder
1.25 cup + 1 tbsp granulated splenda

• preheat oven to 350F
• mix together flours and 1.25 cups of the splenda.  add butter, egg, and extracts and mix well until very oily dough forms
• form dough into balls ~ 1 inch in diameter and place on cookie sheet about an inch apart, though this doesn't really matter because they don't do anything like rise or spread or whatever.
• place balls in oven for ~6 minutes
• while balls are cooking, mix together cocoa and remaining splenda
• after the six minutes have passed, remove balls from the oven.  roll the tops of nine of the balls in the cocoa powder mixture and put back on the cookie sheet
• place balls back into the oven for four minutes, then turn heat up to 400F.  cook for another 4 minutes then remove from the oven.  cookies should have a sort of crisp outer shell but super soft core

these black and white cookies will make the world a better place.

sometimes, they turn into multicultural balls

when i saw that ground lamb was on sale at the market, i knew i was going to make spanish meatballs, because they are delicious.  but i only have Iranian saffron so i was like, "whatever."  but then i was like, "hmm... i'mma season these with Montreal seasoning." then i said, "hmm... i'mma stuff these with Jamaican cheese."  then i thought, "these should be spicy, i'm adding red pepper."  then i was all, "hmm... i'mma deep fry these so they are crispy on the outside."  so yeah, i call these delicious morsels multicultural balls.  cook time + prep time: 1hr, yields 8 balls, 1 carb per ball.

ingredients:

1.5 lbs of ground lamb
0.5 cups sliced then chopped almonds
4 oz cheese - small cubes
1 egg
4 cloves garlic - minced
1 tsp beef base
1 tsp montreal seasoning
1 tsp parsley
1 tsp salt
0.5 tsp crushed red pepper
10 threads of saffron
2 tsp olive oil
0.5 cups safflower oil - not pictured
0.25 cup almond flour

• you might be asking yourself, why is she using 1.5 lbs of meat?  the answer is simple.  i walked in to the kitchen at 7:30am the other day and boyfriend was frying something.  i say "what's that?"  he says, "oh, i'm making a lamb burger for breakfast."  for breakfast!?! and a half pound burger!?! he's crazy.  whatever.
• mix lamb, seasonings, egg, nuts, olive oil & garlic until it's all well mixed.  divide the meat into eights and flatten out each eighth into a patty shape.  in the center of each patty, put an eighth of the cubed cheese.  these cheese is i don't know what kind.  its called no woman no cry, and its marbleized with jerk seasoning.  its really awesome.  i thought the sweetness of it would balance the saffron well, and it did.  i was right.  anyway.... ball up the meat into what one might call a meatball shape.  
• at this point, my plan was that i would bake the balls.  but they were so wet i was like these are gonna lose their shape.  so i decided that i should fry them.  and when i decided to fry them i thought i needed to add some flour to them so they would get crispy on the outside.  so roll the balls through some almond meal until they are well coated.
• heat safflower oil over medium heat in a large pan.  cook all the balls until they are golden throughout.  this requires turning them on all sides (about five times).  this is me frying the balls

• place the balls on a paper bag or something to drain off excess oil.

these balls were super duper awesome.  juicy and flavorful.  we totally loved the heck out of them.  plus, its a meal without heavy cream!  yippee!

we served them with some broccolini.  see:

i sure do wish i had that fancy white smiling glove to give me directions

all my local friends, at some point or another, have had mac n' cheese shoved down their throat by me.  i enjoy making crack n' cheese, and i'm pretty good at it.  i've learned many lessons over the years but for some reason i totally destroyed it this time.  i know that cheeses like cheddar break really easily at high temperatures unless you start with a roux.  i cannot use a roux, and i almost never ever use only cheddar for a mac n' cheese because i like to add something more creamy or exotic but my ego got the best of me.  i thought if i used fancy white cheddars they would behave differently.  they did not :-\  anyway, i call this fancy pants hamburger helper (do you get the white smiling glove thing now?)  ~1.25 hours cook + prep time, yields ten servings ~4 carbs per serving.

ingredients:

1 cup red wine
1 medium spaghetti squash
6 slices bacon
1 lb ground beef
24 oz cheese - grated
2 cups heavy cream
1 tsp montreal steak seasoning
1 tsp beef base
1 tsp garlic salt
1 tsp italian seasoning
1 tsp ancho chili powder
0.5 tsp ground cumin
2 tbsp dehydrated onion
0.5 tsp crushed red pepper

• preheat oven to 350F.
• cut spaghetti squash in half long ways.  this is pretty difficult because as soon as you get one knife in, it'll get stuck.  my strategy is to use two really strong, thickly bladed knives, and keep switching until one gets stuck and i can use the next.  you'll figure it out.  place the two halves of spaghetti squash open side down in a baking dish, add a cup or two of water to the bottom, until there is standing water all over the pan.  cover the pan loosely with aluminum foil and cook in the oven for ~1 hour or until you can stick a knife in it easily.
• cook bacon until extra crispy and set aside to drain off fat.  crumble it up into small pieces.  i have put many things over the top of a mac n' cheese to add texture, from crumbled hot fries, to potato chips, to bread crumbs, to croutons.  i'll use whatever seems like a good idea.  this time around, i'm using bacon to add some crisp to the top of it all.
• brown the ground beef in the bacon fat over medium heat.  keep breaking it up until it's in small pieces.  add all of the dry seasonings.  when the beef is completely cooked, add the beef base and the wine (beef wine again, you know i like it), turn heat up to medium-high and keep cooking until all of the liquid is cooked off.
• when squash is totally cooked, scoop out the seeds and throw away.  with a shallow pronged fork (i use a spork, cause i have one and its cool) gently slide through the squash fibers so that they come out looking like spaghetti.  place these, along with your meat, in a greased baking dish.
• to make your sauce, put cream in heavy bottomed pan over medium high heat.  when cream comes to a soft boil, begin adding your cheese in small increments until it is completely melted.  when sauce is thick and cheesy, add this to spaghetti squash and stir well.  add the crumbled bacon to the top of the mac n' cheese.
• everything is totally cooked, so i throw mine under the broiler for about five minutes until golden on top.

finished product.  once again, beware cheddar with out something else added to the sauce.  it ends up greasy like this cause the cheese breaks.  still delicious tho, just greasy.