let's fudge some fudge

i'm on a stupid diet and i can't have the awesome brownies that someone brought into work today and left sitting out on the stupid counter for everyone to enjoy.  and this makes me jealous of everyone going, "nom, nom, nom... these stupid brownies are amazing."  and i was all like, "i could make brownies.  better yet, i'll make all these suckers jealous and make fudge."  i've never made fudge before, but i've known stupid people that make great fudge so there's no way i could screw it up that badly.  so, i compared a bunch of different recipes and came up with this fake pistachio-fudge recipe.  prep time: 30 min, yields 40 pieces, 1.53 net carbs per piece

ingredients:

1 cup granulated splenda
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 cups cream
0.25 cup salted butter
7 oz unsweetened chocolate
1 cup pistachio butter

• turn your granulated splenda into powdered splenda.  there's all sorts of advice on the internets about how to do this.  i put mine in a blender.  i stirred it around a few times between blending sessions.  its weird, you know.  'cause granulated splenda is already like those styrofoam balls inside of bean bags: super light weight and staticky.  after you've "powdered" it, the splenda becomes this super light weight dust.  it is impossible to open the blender without taking a huge lungful of powdered splenda dust.  i hope i don't die of Mesothelioma or somefin'
• melt the chocolate into the cream.  some peeps use a microwave, but i hate using a microwave for anything.  i also fear scorching/burning by melting directly in a pan.  my solution is the poor man's double boiler.  maybe now that i'm a dink i'll buy an actual one.  

• place one cup of cream, butter, and chocolate in your double boiler for melting  please notice that i'm using 7oz of chocolate here.  you might be asking yourself, "why didn't she just use the full 8oz that come in the box?"  well, that's because one disappeared into boyfriend's stomach.  c'est la vie.  1 oz less can't hurt that bad, can it?
• stir your chocolate/cream mixture frequently and heat thoroughly until it most of chocolate has melted.  add remainder of cream and continue heating until a completely creamy consistency is reached.  remove from heat.
• add nut butter.  any kind of nut butter is super easy to make, and much better for you and cheaper than buying it off of a shelf.  the internets will also help with this.  by my mistake, my pistachio butter, unfortunately, had far too much oil added.  i didn't realize this until after it was added to the hot chocolate mixture and the oil began to separate.  so keep that in mind; you want some oil to make a pretty marbly pattern, but not too much.  mix nut butter in really well.
• add powdered sugar and vanilla and mix well.  taste to be sure its sweet enough for you.  most recipes call for twice as much sugar but this was plenty for my taste, especially with the pistachios.
• line a large (9"x18" ish) pan with aluminum foil or waxed paper and pour the fudge into pan.  spread evenly with a spatula.  place in refrigerator to set

because of my problem with the abundance with oil, after about an hour, i tried to pour off the excess oil and then blotted it off with a paper towel.  let it set completely then cut it into 40, one inch squares and nom the heck out of them because they're delicious^(theMax)

lovely, huh?